When it comes to entrepreneurship, comparing is a very dirty habit. The truth is we can only ever hold one conscious thought at a time. So when we compare, all our energy goes to how we are separate from others. This makes us feel disconnected and lonely and we don’t feel whole. However if we focus on connection, this allows us to feel the complete essence of love. In this episode you’ll learn a simple reframe tool to use whenever you catch yourself comparing. So get out of your head, into your heart and let’s stop comparing.
Hello and thanks for tuning in to Conscious Business, and welcome to the mindset series, where we’re talking about some of the biggest mental challenges that impact entrepreneurs – limiting beliefs, fear, self-doubt and self-scripted stories that don’t serve us.
I want to talk to you today about a very dirty habit that impacts a lot of entrepreneurs, and I want to make sure that it isn’t impacting you and standing in the way of your success.
Now this is a dirty habit that many of us do without even knowing that we’re doing it. And if you’re doing it, it’s likely impacting you in a very bad way, a very significant way. And it MIGHT even be blocking your success. [Gasp] What, blocking your success? I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW, don’t I?
The dirty habit that I’m talking about is…. comparing.
Yup, comparing. Comparing yourself to others, whether you know them, or not, whether you like them, or not. Comparing yourself to how they look, feel or act. To what they’ve accomplished, to how happy they seem, and to how simple or hard their life looks.
Bottom Line. No good ever comes from comparing yourself to others
That’s a great Tweetable, No good ever comes from comparing yourself to others. EVER, never ever.
Never, ever, ever, ever.
So here’s a look at what you’re going to learn today:
First, I’m going to explain WHY comparing is so dangerous for entrepreneurs
in our second segment, I’ll breakdown a few common examples that I see
and in our last segment, I’ll teach you a process of how to reframe your comparison into something REALLY powerful.
So get out of your head and into your heart and let’s dive right in shall we.
So I’m excited to tell you all about comparing.
But first, I want to share that I am ONE WEEK away from my Summit Retreat in Saint Lucia. I just want to rub that in a little bit. So when you tune in and listen to next week’s episode on Monday, I’ll actually be on a beach, and settling into the resort. And I am SO ready for this retreat, and all the incredible workshops, for all the growth and transformation and especially the climb up the Gros Piton. This retreat is such a great reminder that inspiration is everywhere. It’s all around us, we just have to have our eyes and ears open to welcome the inspiration and then take inspired action.
I remember seeing that original blog post from Richard Branson and how he spontaneously climbed up the Gros Piton while he was moored near Saint Lucia. And I remember thinking to myself, I’d love to do that. And since my purpose in life is to always help others learn and grow, my dreaming quickly transformed into wanting to take a group of people with me on the journey. And Summit was born. And it truly is an intense journey that I’m taking people on, we’re going to transform from the outside in with the physical climb, and the inside out with all the workshops.
OK, so I want you to think of me all next week when I’m on retreat, and send us all your love and good vibes, to travel safely, grow in a more powerful way and the courage to leave behind the things that no longer serve us. Oh, and if you want a play by play, be sure to follow me on Instagram at thecorporateyogi and I’ll post lots of pics and video during the retreat, so you can follow along on our journey, and see how we prepare for the big climb.
OK, so let’s dive into our topic today on comparing.
I just came across this great quote the other day,
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them” – Mother Teresa “If you judge people, you have no time to love them”.
Now comparing is a very dangerous behaviour I see in entrepreneurs. And really, you can’t blame us for it, can you. Because by nature we are driven to be really successful and we’re always striving to learn, grow and do and be better than we are today. And through this striving to always be better, we often look to others to see what they’re doing, because we want to be inspired by them and we think if they’re successful, and we want to be just like them, then all we have to do is figure out exactly what they did, follow every step religiously and consistently, and then eventually we’ll be as successful as they are.
And I get it, I know this is a logical argument, I know this makes sense. But there’s one problem. It only works, with all other things being equal. If your life situation is the same, and your gifts and your purpose and your beliefs and values and on and on and one. Basically I can give you a really long list of how you need to be exactly the same as the other person and the reality is….that you can never ever be the same as that other person, because we are all unique beings, just like we have unique DNA in our physical body, we are all unique in WHO we are too. So as much as you may want to cookie cutter someone else’s formula, it won’t be guaranteed to work for you. Because you have a different situation and your formula for how you need to grow and what you need to experience in this lifetime is different than everyone else. Let me prove it to you. Have you ever had a friend who was struggling to do something that to you seems completely easy. And as you watched them struggle through it and resist it, you kept thinking in your head, What’s wrong with them – it’s so easy peasey, all you need to do it x. Or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of this, and someone questioned why you were struggling with something. The deal is that we are ALL different from each other, we have different strengths and struggles and we have to respect that. What might be easy for us could be challenging for someone else, and that’s because they’re on a different path or journey than we are. And this is while we can never cookie cutter copy what someone else did and hope it is successful. It might work, but it might not. We have to be prepared for that.
And there are a couple other aspects to entrepreneurship that entice us to compare.
Let’s look at our relationship with technology accelerates the temptation to compare, as we are inundated with social media that serves us up very carefully curated examples of other people’s lives that seem better than ours, and happier and more successful. And the reality is, that even though social media is a great tool to stay connected with everyone and know that everyone else is doing, it also entices us to constantly compare ourselves to others.
And there’s one other aspect of entrepreneurship that leads us to compare all the time. We are always encouraged to be mentored by others all the time. I know entrepreneurship certainly does not have a monopoly on mentoring, but it certainly does have a big focus on it, and it’s hard to have a relationship with a mentor and not compare yourself to them in some way. Because that is in fact the sheer nature of the relationship, you’re literally following in their footsteps on your way to a similar destination. So how can we not compare ourselves to them in some way.
So while it’s good to look to people you admire and learn their excellent habits and be inspired by their discipline, remember that you are on your own custom journey and YOU have to figure this out for yourself and find your own way.
In this segment I want to break down a few of the most common examples of comparing that I see happen.
First off, looking at someone else’s business and thinking that their life is easier, or their journey to success was easier than yours. The truth is, you have no idea what it took them to get to where they are, they likely had a hectic journey they had to travel down, and you will too. You can’t ever possibly know if their journey is easier or harder. And you know how I talked about in the earlier segment, about everyone’s journey being different because we all have a different path to be on. So really, you can’t possibly compare if someone’s life is easier or if their journey to success was easier than yours.
The 2nd example is comparing that someone is happier than you. That is a very dangerous comparison. And I’ll let you in on a really unfortunate secret. A lot of people are really miserable on the inside. I wish they weren’t, and I’m doing my best to help them and change things, and I do know that meditation can make everyone less stressed and more calm, creative and connected and thereby more happy. But the point I’m trying to make is that not everyone is actually that happy. They might look happy, they might send lots of warning signals that they are happy, but chances are – they’re not. And deep down inside most people are carrying a LOT of stress and worry and pain, and this blocks them or overrides their happiness.
So please don’t compare that someone is happier than you are.
A third common way of comparing is that someone just naturally had a different life circumstance than we did, that they were cut from a different cloth than us, like maybe their parents were wealthy and really successful, or maybe they were born in a different part of town, they had a different upbringing than we did, or were sent to different schools than us. And we look at all these external factors and think that they are advantaged because they had a different circumstance than we did. And this, is SO dangerous. If you indulge in this, please be conscious of it, because it is a very dangerous way to script a story that will block your success. You’re creating a story to justify why you aren’t successful, and why it’s harder for you than for them, and that is just creating an excuse to fail. Do you see that? I know this is a lot of tough love, but its true. And this is something that a lot of people do at a subconscious level. They create a story as to WHY other people can succeed because of their environmental factors. But I want to tell you that there are pros and cons to EVERY single situation and circumstance that people find themselves in. And in the next segment I’m going to give you a great tool you can use that will prevent you from this type of comparing and prevent you from blocking your own success.
And the last type of comparison I see a lot of entrepreneurs make is the talent comparison. We look at someone and think that talent punched their ticket. We assume that other people were just born with a specific talent and because they were naturally good at something that they are entitled to be more successful than other people. But when we hold this belief we undermine the value of hard work and consistency and the art of just showing up over and over and over again and to decide that you’re going to do something and then just sticking with it. And determination and consistency will always get you further than natural born talent, because talent will top out at a certain level, right, but if you commit to mastering a skill and focusing on how to get better at it and commit to doing it, over and over and over again. You WILL be successful and you will blow your mind about your capability. I promise. But you have to focus and you have to be consistent about what you are doing.
I really want to make sure you understand these different types of comparisons, and a lot of times we get stuck in doing these very subconsciously, we don’t even recognize that we’re doing them. So please take time this week to really focus and reflect on whether or not you are guilty of these.
I’ll recap these 4 common ways of comparing
1) First, thinking that someone else’s life is easier, or their journey to success was easier than yours.
2) Thinking that someone is happier than we are
3) Someone was cut from a different cloth, maybe came from a rich family and had advantages, which made success easier for them
4) and lastly, we look at someone and think that talent punched their ticket and they didn’t have to work to get where they are.
In this segment I want to explain how comparing blocks your success and then teach you a reframe tool that will really help you the next time you catch yourself being tempted to compare.
So why is comparing so dangerous. It seems so harmless, doesn’t it? But in reality, we can only ever hold one conscious thought at a time, and so when we focus on comparing, and looking at what someone else has, that we don’t, then we are giving all our energy and attention to focusing on how we are separate from them. And in any one moment we can only focus on one conscious thought,
ie what we have in common with them, OR how we are separate from them.
Focusing on connection allows us to feel whole and good and feel the essence of love. But if we are focused on the feeling of separateness, then we feel disconnected and lonely and we don’t feel whole. When we feel separate from others we feel disconnected to them and also to ourselves, because we are all connected to each other at an energetic level, and by shutting off part of our connection to others outside ourselves, then we are by nature rejecting a part of ourselves.
And when we feel disconnection and lack, then we go into a state where we are blocking our own success. And this is where I don’t want you to be.
And the other reason this is dangerous is when you compare yourself to others, and reflect back on what you don’t have, you’re skipping over a really important thing. You’re skipping over the natural born talent that YOU have and the milestones you’ve accomplished. You’re essentially putting yourself in a lack mentality and taking an inventory of things you don’t have, instead of appreciating the things you’re really good at.
So, I want to share with you a simple reframe tool that you can use in any moment where you catch yourself comparing.
If you feel like you’re comparing where you are to someone else
Or thinking that they look happier than you do, or their life is easier than yours.
Or they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth (Do we still even say that)
Or they were just naturally born talented at something, and you weren’t.
Then here is what I want you to do.
I want you to stop, drop and roll. Okay, no I don’t, I’m just kidding. I want you to stop, but don’t drop and roll.
Stop, and when you feel temped to compare, simply shift your attention on something that you have in common with that person instead.
So if someone has a similar type of business that you do, and they seem so much more successful than you, instead of thinking they’re so much more successful than I am, shift your focus to, Hey that’s really cool that we share the same passions and are building the same type of company.
Or, we both share a really strong work ethic
Or, we both share core values of freedom and flexibility.
Don’t get sucked into the temptation to list out all the differences.
Stop, reframe and focus on what you have in common, where you are aligned and what is the same between the two of you.
Stop, reframe and focus on what you have in common.
Instead of saying, they’re so lucky they were born into money, focus on the ways you are different, like we both have excellent taste in clothes, we’re both car nuts, we both love to be healthy and take care of our bodies. Focus on alignment, not on separation!
This is a game changer, and you better believe this is going to be your homework for this week. I want you to get conscious in a scenario where you’re just about to compare yourself to someone and then reframe and find a way that you are similar to them or what you have in common. And I would love to hear from you, please post it in our Conscious Business Facebook group and I can’t wait to hear all your stories and experiences!
I know that sometimes you forget about this, but you are destined for success.
It is all around you, you have 360 degrees of success around you at all times and all you have to do is reach out and align yourself to it.
And really get conscious about WHAT you are giving your energy to.
Stop comparing yourself to others in order to see what is different.
Stop feeling bad because someone seems happier than you are, or their life looks easier than yours is, or they are just naturally more talented than you are.
Those are completely irrelevant details, and you have absolutely NO way to even know if they’re actually true.
The next time you see someone who has something you want, whether it’s a flexible schedule, heaps of opportunities or a fancy car, I want you to bless what they have and truly know that they deserve it, and I want you to find something you have in common and put all your focus on that.
Focus on how you are connected, not separate
Focus on what you are passionate about, and good at and what you believe in.
Stop making negative Lists, stop keeping inventory of things you don’t have or didn’t grow up with, those are just excuses and there is quite frankly not a whole lot that you can do about that anyways, stop living in the past and start to be empowered in a really big way and focus on how you are powerful and what you are good at and how you are similar to the people you admire.
Because as you know, what you focus on expands, and I want you to focus less on what you don’t want, and don’t have and more on what you DO want and what you do have. Find alignment in every area of your life, and YOU will find the fast track to success!