To honor Women’s History month, this episode is dedicated to women across the globe and their amazing accomplishments. In this episode you’ll learn the 5 biggest myths about self-promotion, and you’ll gain a new perspective on how to self-promote and receive compliments. You’ll also learn 5 powerful tips to build your self-promotion muscle and 10 quick ways to sing your own praises. So, get out of your head, into your heart and let’s master the art of self-promotion.
Hey, it’s Julie and welcome to the podcast.
When I mention the topic of self-promotion it evokes 1 of 2 different responses in clients. One, they’re excited and want to jump on the train, OR 2) they have a sheer look of horror on their face, like I just asked them to chew on tinfoil or something.
If you identify with the latter, please know you’re in good company, a LOT of people struggle with it. Also know that the Universe is winking at you bc this episode is exactly what you needed to hear today, and you’re going to leave this episode with a different, more empowered perspective of self-promotion, and you’re going to have not 1, but 2 action items to step up your self-promotion game.
What you may not realize right now, is there’s a dangerous misconception in the business world about self-promotion, and it goes like this,
If you work really hard, your hard work will speak for itself.
Again, If you work really hard, your hard work will speak for itself
This is a limiting belief, it is not true.
But we cling to it for a couple reasons:
In the world of work, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.
Again, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.
And that might seem a little pessimistic, but I guarantee it is true.
I see evidence of it every single day.
I see people waiting around for a promotion, for literally YEARS.
And when I start poking around, either 1 of 2 things happens.
Bottom line – we can ALL step up our self-promotion game
So here’s a look at what you’re going to learn today:
1) First, I’m going to share the 5 biggest myths of self-promotion
2) In the 2nd segment you’ll pick a new perspective for self-promotion
3) In the 3rd segment I share 5 Tips to help you with self-promotion
4) then in segment 4 – I share your challenge for this week, and 10 examples of quick self-promotion activities you can take
So get out of your head and into your heart and let’s dive right in shall we.
Since it is Women’s History month, I’d like to dedicate this episode to all women everywhere. I know that women don’t show up as confident as men do. It’s sad, but true, we are socialized to be people pleasers and caregivers and put everyone else’s needs in front of our own. So this is YOUR episode, listen as many times as you need and please share it with another woman you admire and give her permission to dial up her self-promotion.
Let’s review the 5 biggest myths of self-promotion. These myths are beliefs, actual comments and objections (aka excuses) I hear from clients who don’t want to self-promote.
OK myth #1 – People who self-promote are vein and think they’re better than everyone else. I hear this all the time, and it’s concerning for a couple of reasons. First off, self-promotion is perfectly normal and healthy if it’s done in an authentic, aligned way. It isn’t vein or self-absorbed. And I would argue that you have an obligation to promote yourself. It’s perfectly normal AND strongly advised to have a positive relationship with yourself and actually like who you are and what you’ve accomplished. So we’re busting myth #1 – people who self-promote are NOT all vein and don’t have to think they’re better than everyone else.
The second myth about self-promotion: if you talk about yourself, you’re not humble. Not true at all. Self-promotion and humility are mutually exclusive. You can self promote AND be humble. Promoting yourself doesn’t take away your ability to be humble
The 3rd myth about self-promotion, I mentioned in the intro. If you work really hard, your hard work will speak for itself
Yes, it’s great to be dedicated and work hard, but you also have to let others know what you have done, it is your responsibility. Keep on working hard, but don’t expect the hard work to speak for itself.
The 4th myth is that if you self-promote you will come across as annoying and no one will like you. Not true, at all. And I know what typically is behind this. Often when people think of self-promotion, they instantly think of that one, ultra Cringy person who is braggadocious and arrogant and they don’t want to be like that person and give off a bad vibe. And here’s where we confuse confidence with arrogance. Typically with these Cringy people, they’re really insecure and trying to mask that fear, and they end up overdoing it, and there’s a gap between how great that person thinks they are and where they actually are. So when we are repulsed by them, it’s not because they’re self-promoting, we’re turned off because they’re being incongruent and have a reality distortion field. We’re repulsed by their lack of self-awareness.
And the last myth, is that there’s only one way to self-promotion – and it requires you to talk about yourself. And this is not true. There are SO many different ways you can self-promote. And in segment 4 I’m going it give you some examples of different ways to self-promote. I encourage you to find the one that feels right for you. I would never ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right for you, or else you’ll end up giving off that strange energy like we talked about with the cringy person. Find YOUR way and do what feels right.
OK let’s recap those 5 myths about self-promotion
People who self-promote are vein and think they’re better than everyone else.
if you talk about yourself, you’re not humble.
If you work really hard, your hard work will speak for itself
if you self-promote you will come across as annoying and no one will like you, and you’ll turn into that cringy person we all don’t like
And #5 – there’s only one way to self-promotion – you have to talk about yourself
OK, now that we’ve debunked these myths about self-promotion, let’s see if we can get you to shift your perspective about it in the next segment.
It’s time to try on some new perspectives for self-promotion.
Here’s the deal, if you resist or think you don’t like, or can’t perform self-promotion, you’re likely holding a perspective about it that is no longer serving you. It’s like an old piece of clothing that doesn’t suit your lifestyle any longer.
Your perspective might be based on one of the 5 myths from the last segment.
Or it might come from an experience you had as a child where an adult said something like, stop looking in that mirror so much, and stop being so vein. They didn’t mean any harm, they were do ing the best they could. The truth is, as a child, we have so many interactions like that that seem insignificant, but end up programming as a belief about ourself and about life, that we carry into adulthood. Until of course, you find an amazing podcast like this, that challenges you to uncover and release those limiting beliefs.
Today I invite you to let go of the perspective about self-promotion that isn’t serving you, and replace it with a new, more positive perspective.
So right now I want you to take a minute and get conscious about how you view self-promotion, when I say self-promotion, which is the first response that pops into your head? I don’t want to do it because…….
Now, let’s upgrade that belief with a new perspective – here are 3 new you can chose from. Try them out and see which one you like best.
New perspective #1. Self-promotion is actually being kind to someone and saving them time by sharing the highlights of the important things you’ve done. Remember, we’re thinking of ourselves all day long, and as interesting as we are, other people don’t really have time to think about us as much as we do, so we’re giving them the highlights, we’re saving them time.
New perspective #2. Self-promotion is a necessary part of leadership. Whether you’re in a formal or informal leadership role, self-promotion is a line item in your job description. Sharing what you’re proud of is a powerful expression to tell others you are proud of WHO you are and WHAT you’ve done. Think about it, if you’re not proud of who you are and what you’ve done, then why should someone else be impressed by you? And a bit of Tough Love while we’re here – your relationship with others can never be greater than your relationship with yourself.
Again, your relationship with others can never be greater than your relationship with yourself.
3. OK and the last perspective is that you’re giving others permission to self-promote through your own actions. You are modelling the behavior you want to see in others. Because as soon as they see you do it, they realize that they can do it too. You’re teaching them essentially how to do it. So if you deny yourself, you are actually denying others the chance to self-promote, if it’s not good enough for you to do on a regular basis, then you’re indirectly saying – Hey, I don’t want YOU to ever, ever self-promote. Is that what you really want for your team? I don’t think so. I love this perspective, bc if all else fails, I’m going to guilt you into doing it for the good of others, if not for yourself.
So those are the 3 perspectives, you can try them on, or create a new one for yourself
here’s a recap
1 – Self-promotion is actually being kind to someone and saving them sharing the important highlights of what you’ve done.
2 – Self-promotion is a necessary part of leadership, part of your job description
3 – You are modelling the behavior you want to see in others, and giving them permission through your own actions.
OK now that you’ve developed a new perspective on HOW you view self-promotion, I want to share a few tips to help you build your muscle. I have 5 tips for you, here we go, #1:
1:Always be authentic. Please don’t look at what someone else is doing and try to copy it exactly. It’s ok to glean inspiration from others, but find YOUR way and your voice. Do what feels right and aligned, never what you think you should do. This is what prevents you from being that cringy person.
2:Promote from the past. Sometimes when we complete a project or a creative endeavor into the world, we might feel a little raw, or vulnerable. That’s completely normal. So if you need, give yourself a little time before you talk about what you’ve done. Also, the promotion doesn’t have to be a recent accomplishment. You can promote from the past – meaning you can talk about something you did that was amazing from 5 years ago. Your saboteurs may try to tell you that if it isn’t recent, it doesn’t count. BS. If you did something amazing 5 years ago – it was still YOU that did it and it was still amazing, so go adhead and talk about it
3:Remember that most people WANT you to succeed. And yeah, there might be people who don’t…. but those are not your people, so let’s stop caring what they think. Remember, what other people think of you is none of your business. For the most part, people want to see you succeed, so give them what they want. We all have ups and downs and by sharing your story, that might be exactly what someone else needs for a little inspiration that day.
4:Ask permission. If you feel awkward about promoting yourself and don’t know how to bring it up, take a second to ask permission to share a story or talk about a milestone. You could say, “Can I tell you about one of the epic events I organized in London where I brought along a two-time gold metal olympian and her sailboat into the downtown core of London’s financial district in rush hour? I guarantee that no one is ever going to say NO to that offer. Once you have permission from someone, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable talking about it, and you don’t’ have to awkwardly find a way to fit it into the conversation, you just ask.
5:Model the confidence of someone you admire.
think of someone who you really does a great job of self-promotion, and be inspired by them. In the moment, ask yourself, what would THEY do in this situation, would they second guess themselves, or would they just go for it. And I don’t want you to act like them, I want you to stay authentically you, but I want you to model their courage, and be inspired to take action forward because you know that’s what they would do in this situation.
ok let’s recap those 5 tips:
1. Always be authentic.
2. Promote from the past (not just the present)
3. Remember that most people WANT you to succeed
4. Ask permission
5. And model the confidence of someone you admire.
OK here’s a challenge I want you to take away from this episode
There are 3 parts to your challenge this week.
First I want you to do 1 act of self-promotion this week.
And second, I want you to make a list of 5 people who you admire for their healthy sense of self promotion.
And the 3rd thing, I’ll share in our final segment
and I’m going to help you out a bit here, and give you a list of things to choose from. I think sometimes we evoke this awkward visual of ourselves standing up on a stage, alone and everyone is staring at us in a spotlight and we feel frozen. I’m here to tell you, self-promotion does not have to look like that. You don’t have to feel like a deer in headlights.
Now there are many different long-term activities you can do for self-promotion – like have a podcast, write blogs or articles, public speaking, create tools and resources, get involved with an organization or on a non-profit board on and one. These are all great things, but they’re long-term activities. For your challenge I want you to perform one simple act of short-term self-promotion
I’m going to share a list of 10 different quick and easy things you can do to promote yourself at work, and I want you to pick one that you will do this week:
1:Share a big win from your team or dept. And by indirectly bragging to the company how amazing your team is, you’re essentially self-promoting. You don’t take all the credit for what they do, but you deserve some of the credit.
2:Share the anniversary of something amazing you accomplished x years ago. I think I used this one recently, when I announced the 5 year anniversary of my podcast. And trust me, 5 years of podcasting is a major accomplishment, so I was proud to hit that milesteon. You’ll also see me announce my 10 year anniversary of the corporate yogi later this year, and I don’t plan on being shy about that one either. 10 years as an entrepreneur is a massive accomplishment
3:Announce gratitude for something you accomplished with the help or support of another person.
4:Share a key learning or realization. This can be from a recent problem you solved or it could be an ah-ha reflection. It’s a great reminder to others about who you are and what you value.
5:Tell a great story. This is such a powerful way to share so much about yourself and both What and Who you are. Engage them with a story and you will have a fully engaged audience, and if you want to check out a great book, Stories that Stick, Kindra Hall
6:Share your ideas, tips and resources when you think they can help someone else.
7:Share feedback or a testimonial from someone else. Let them brag about you and lead with emotion. I’m really grateful to have such loyal and dedicated clients like this. Or, I was having a rough day and then my client sent this email and it made my heart smile.
8:Double down on sharing content you’re passionate about and knowledgeable in. Your passion is infectious and will always draw people in.
9:Stay relevant and top of mind with people through regular communication, posts or articles.
10:Make an offer to educate others. Ideally in something inside your zone of genius.
So that is part 1 of your challenge this week. Pick one thing off that list and do it this week.
The second part of your challenge, is to make a list of 5 people who you admire for how they talk about their success. These are people who appear to have a strong sense of self appreciaton, and often talk about their success, accomplishments and they do this in a way that makes you like them even more! You don’t judge them or think, oh there they go again bragging about themselves, they’re so self absorbed. You don’t react like that, bc you know that deserve to talk about what they’re doing.
So I will help out here a bit with a list of people who I think do a fantastic job of self-promotion. Warning – it’s kind of a random list, but here goes
1:Oprah – obviously. She often talks about her success, how many people she has working for her, how many houses, and shoes, and her friendships with celebs. And through each of these things, she is essentially self promoting, but it doesn’t feel icky. I admire her, am inspired and know she deserves everything she has
2:The 2nd person on my list is James Corden. He is legendary the way he interacts with all the celebs and brags about all he has accomplished. And I think many of the Late Night talk show hosts would also fall into this category. He is so confident especially with his carpool karaoke, think about it, he has legendary grammy winning artists in his car, sings their songs to them. I think that’s pretty darn confident.
3:The 3rd person on my list is – Michelle. That woman can self-promote and she is so confident. And yes, she does take a lot of criticism from the media – for a variety of unsubstantiated and unfair reasons, but I have never seen her talk about herself or her success in a way that feels out of alignment. In fact, it’s the opposite, I watch her and admire her – she does it with such class and confidence, it inspires me to want to step up.
4:My 4th pick is Glennon Doyle. She is a great storyteller and one of my faves is one she tells her kids, Whenever they get sassy and talk back to her or don’t listen to her wisdom, she says hey – people actually come to see me talk you know, they pay money to come and listen to me, and you’re getting it for free. I love this.
5:My fifth pick – is Gene Simmons. I warned you it was random list. Like him or not, he is a legend, he is a cultural icon. I’m not a huge Kiss fan or anything, never owned their music, or ever went to a concert, but I will confess to watching his reality show – Family Jewels – quite a bit years ago, and I thought it was really well done. To say that he has a healthy sense of self is an understatement, and the way he keeps his office decked out like a crowded pawn shop of kiss memorabilia and posters of himself… it’s pretty clear what his relationship with himself is.
OK that is my random list of 5 people.
Oprah, James Corden, Michelle, Ellen, Gene Simmons
And honorable mention to Lady Gaga, Tony Robbins, brene brown, Serena Williams and Ricky Gervais!
So what about you? Who will be on your list of 5 people? This is a really fun exercise, it’s a great reflection and I can’t wait to hear about your list of
Hey, remember a couple episodes ago I told you I have this giant backlog of episode ideas that I’m never going to get to? Well I’m going to sneak in another topic right here before we wrap up on self-promotion
It’s actually kind of relevant, bc it’s about receiving compliments
And this is a big time pet peeve for me.
And really, self-promoting and receiving compliments are kind of like 2 sides of a coin, aren’t they? One is You singing your praises and one is someone else singing your praises. They’re both really important. And while you’re here raising your game on self-promotion, you should probably raise your game on receiving praise and compliments.
So let’s imagine that you and I are meeting up for a coffee and when I show up carrying this giant, beautifully wrapped present, it’s classy, white and gold wrapping paper, surrounded with a beautiful oversized bow, and not that cheapo curly ribbon, but legit fabric bow. You can just tell that I really went to town for you. And as I walk towards you with this stunning gift, and extend the box towards you, you swat it out of my hands and say, A present Julie. How dare you give me a present? What were you thinking? The present falls to the ground, and I just stand there stunned and don’t know what to do, bc I’m shocked and my feelings are really hurt. I mean, you know how sensitive I am, right?
Now, this is exactly what happens when most people receive compliments from others, they swat away the compliment, they downplay or minimize it:
Someone pays them a compliment and they respond with:
– it wasn’t that big of a deal OR
– yeah, it was ok, but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to… OR
– worse yet they go on some long and irrelevant diatribribe that minimizes the impact of the kind words
When someone gives you a compliment or positive feedback it is a gift
Don’t swat it away, don’t tell them they’re wrong, its their opinion don’t disagree with them, don’t open the present say “oh I already have this at home” like Eyore. That’s so rude
And I get it, sometimes it can feel uncomfortable to receive praise, especially if you aren’t used to it. I remember life before I learned how to receive compliments, I remember how it was awkward and I made all the mistakes I listed above, I swatted presents out of people’s hands all the time. I get it.
But I beg of you, please learn how to accept a compliment or positive feedback.
And if you don’t know how I am going to teach you now – it’s two simple words and it goes like this, you might want to write it down, are you ready, here goes,
Thank you. That’s all you have to say, thank you. In a sincere and grateful tone.
If you want to get fancy, Thank you – that means a lot to me
or really fancy – thank you – that means a lot coming from you
But no swatting away presents, no downplaying your success, no trying to talk them out of their opinion, be gracious, be a great leader and “guilt trip lens” model the behaviour you want to teach your team. If you swat away presents when you receive them, your team is watching you and they’re going to learn to swat away their presents, and you don’t really want that for them do you? I didn’t think so.
I’m really liking this leadership guilt trip lens, I think I’m going to use it on you more often.
Recap – when you get a present, receive it graciously and say thank you.
OK it’s time to start wrapping up this episode on self-promotion.
To recap all you learned in this episode,
– we started with the 5 biggest myths about self-promotion
we designed you a new perspective for HOW to view self-promotion
– you learned 5 great tips to help you with self-promotion
you heard 10 examples of quick ways to self-promote
And your homework includes these 3 things: to take 1 act of self-promotion this week.
2 – make a list of 5 people who you admire for their healthy sense of self promotion.
And 3 – YOUR MISSION to share this episode with at least one amazing woman in your network today, to honour Women’s history month. By sharing this episode with her you are saying – hey I really admire you, who you are and what you do, so please keep shining your light brightly and keep telling us what you do, because you inspire me and the world needs more of YOU!
Thanks for tuning in today and learning about self-promotion
if this episode was sent to you by someone, allow yourself a little buddha-like smile and know how admired and respected you are by them, and just HOW much of an impact you’ve had on that person.
Remember that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle
And that is exactly what you do through self-promotion, you inspire other people to shine bright and spread their light with the world.